They’re Here, They’re Queer, Get Over Yourself

Despite the harsh language of the Hunter Thompson quote in my sidebar, it should be stated that homosexuals are citizens and as such, deserve all of the rights and privileges afforded by civil society. Period.

I’ve known, respected and loved many homosexuals in my life and my feeling has always been the same: why should I care? Why should I care what attracts or repels others? Other people’s sex lives have no impact upon me unless they’re attracted to me, right? (Or abusive, but that’s a completely different story.)

An argument has been put forth that since gays choose to be homosexual, they are undeserving of the rights of the straight community. This is patent bullshit.

I know that gays do not choose homosexuality because I know I never chose to be straight. When I was a little boy, I constantly wanted to get naked with little girls. (Bit of a perv at six, I gotta say.) This was not a decision, it was a compulsion. I could no more control it than my affection for honey or being stoned.

Alternately, I had a homosexual encounter with an older boy when I was 8. It didn’t “turn me gay.” It didn’t traumatize me. I’m not ashamed. What’s the big deal?

Moreover, I’ve never repeated the experience in the long decades since. I’m still steamy for the ladies. So how can I believe that a person who is attracted to their own gender has any choice in the matter? I never chose.

It seems to me that the only choice for gays is the question of how to deal with it. Do you dishonestly marry and then spend long years shamefully trolling airport bathrooms a la Senator Larry Craig? Or do you do the long work of revealing yourself to your friends and families, facing down the misunderstanding and dissapproval that so often come to people in this situation?

Most straight people never experience this level of personal challenge. But nearly every gay person has. As such, many homosexuals are fiercely proud, independent and competent people. People who have been tested in the crucible of public scorn and emerged tougher than your average “straight.”

More power to ’em. Congratulations, Californians. May this wisdom spread to the rest of our sorry nation.

But while I praise the decision to allow homosexuals the opportunity to be protected by the archaic nuptial ceremony and the privileges it affords, I’m not so sure we’re dealing with the root problem. That is: worker’s rights.

Any adult should have the right to determine their own beneficiaries.

The problem for homosexuals was that after long years of co-dependence, during a time of crisis the loved ones were not able to assert their right to the patient. One person would be hospitalized and the hospital would allow the family to determine who could and could not see the patient, sometimes excluding the lover who really cares. When one person died, the other couldn’t take possession of their jointly owned assets.

This doesn’t affect just homosexuals. One can imagine a nephew raised by an uncle who cannot become a full beneficiary without adoption and is thereby denied legal access to their ward’s estate. This is absurd.

I’m sorry. If Leona Helmsley can leave $7 million to a viscious little rat turd dog, then real working Americans should be able to determine who sees them when they are sick, who arranges their funerals, and who inherits their possessions.

It’s basic human truth.


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